Anthony Wade Ministries

John was very caustic with Barb. They have been married for fifteen years, and Barb can only remember a few short years when his words were not unkind. She had contemplated divorce but couldn’t justify it because of what she experienced as a child. Barb’s father and mother divorced when she was a pre-teen. It wasn’t a very good exit. Her parents fought over possessions as well as custody of the children. To be curt, it was very evil. She didn’t want her three children to encounter what she had encountered. She figured that it was worth keeping the family together, yet she lived a life of being verbally abused. Verbal abuse, in my opinion is more hazardous than physical. Why do I take that position? Because with physical abuse, apart from being slain, the bruises have an opportunity to heal. With verbal abuse, there is a continual reminder of what the abuser thinks, and how they view you. Both physical and verbal abuse are horrendous. With verbal abuse there is a battery of blows delivered with the tongue. Physical abuse is inflicted by a fist, open hand, or an object, other than the tongue.

Barb was a God fearing woman who matured to the position that John was not going to get away with abusing her any longer. She began praying for him in a positive way. She learned to bind the spirit of anger that was tormenting John. She not only bound the spirit of anger, but she loosed the spirit of love between the two of them. (Matthew 16:19 Amplified Bible).

Barb took the upper hand in their marital status. She was very watchful not to do anything that would ignite John’s anger. She became very prolific in living 2 Peter 3:1-6. She knew there was more to John, than his outbursts of anger. John was also raised in a God-fearing home. When he was able to leave his parents home, he departed from the faith. Barb prayed that her husband would rededicate his life to The Lord Jesus Christ. However, she was made aware of 1 Corinthians 7:14-15, which let her know that John was free to leave her if he wanted. She had an inward intuition that he would become a 2 Peter 3:7 man. She had in truth become a Proverbs 31 woman. She turned their household around with the weapon of her words. Her words were not complaints about how terrible her husband was, but she began to speak the desired results according to Romans 4:17. That verse encourages us to speak those things which be not as though they were. Barb not only prayed this way, but she made positive affirmations concerning their union.

That is what the Scriptures mean when they say that God made Abraham the father of many nations. God will accept all people in every nation who trust Him as Abraham did. This promise is from God himself, who makes the dead live again and speaks of future events with as much certainty as though they were already past. (Romans 4:17 TLB). Barb spoke the desired results based on the Word of God. She had the desired results before she got them. The desired results were hers in the spirit realm, before she experienced them in the physical. In other words, be there, before you get there. -AWM

Copyright © 2010 Anthony N. Wade Ministries — All Rights Reserved. No portion of this teaching may be rewritten or reproduced without the written permission of the author.
Email – pneumaman@hotmail.com

In our interactions with our spouse, words are the most precious commodity we have. “The words that we use either build or abuse.” They have the potential to bring light or cause darkness to fall. Like a flower in a perfect environment the right words can, and will create beauty. Is your marriage full of life and vitality, or has it been burned by overexposure to the sun — soul-destroying words?

The Bible reminds us that the rain falls on the just and on the unjust (Matthew 5:45). There are going to be some rainy days, but if you are a born again believer you have the ability to let the right amount of sunlight in — the Son Light of His Love (John 15:10; James 2:8; 1John 4:12).

I once heard a story of a man who verbally assaulted his wife in public, in front of his former high school buddies — at a class reunion. She wilted because of embarrassment in the presence of her husband’s friends. On the other hand I have seen wives who have made their husbands the butt of their jokes, because he wasn’t the prince of charm, that she thought she was marrying. When he finally realized that he was a joke to her, it created great difficulty in their relationship. We must recognize that our spouse is a spirit, who has a soul (mind, will and emotions) and lives in a physical body (1Thessalonians 5:23; Hebrews 4:12; James 2:26).

The words we speak to, and about, our spouse can bring forward a blessing, or damage to their soul. Words have the potential of being a support or injury to the mind, will, and emotions. As a result, the life that is in the spirit is affected. The injury comes to the soul, but also has an impinging effect upon the spirit.

This is what I mean: A co-worker comes to work, and a number of people begin to speak negative words about his/her appearance. They say that the person looks very ill. This goes on for quite a while throughout the course of the day. By 1:30 that afternoon the fellow worker leaves work early extremely ill. What happened? The words that were spoken to the co-worker had a negative impression upon their mind, will and emotions. As a result, they began to feel as though they were sick in their physical body. Their mind, will, and emotions were injured, so ultimately they became ill. The words of the fellow workers which were destructive, had a soul-destroying outcome, resulting in illness. Now, could the co-worker have overcome the negative words? Decidedly Yes; by speaking the right words to overcome the improper words, that were spoken, to and about them.

The same is true concerning our relationship with our spouse. We can speak the wrong words to, and about our spouse, create disgraceful results, and paint the wrong picture. As a result, our spouse will have to work double-time to overcome the negative impact from the words that were spoken. However if we speak the right words at the right time, they will have a positive effect upon our spouse and ultimately, the marriage.

Because I am in the communication business, I am constantly monitoring myself as to how I come across to people. In other words, I do my best to put a watch on my words. I do this to the best of my ability in my interactions with my wife. I don’t want to paint the wrong picture. I have made my share of mistakes in this area, but once I became aware of my misstatement, I made the correction as soon as I could. Jesus spoke to us very strongly concerning the words we speak.

Matthew 12:35-37 (New American Standard)

{35} “The good man out of his good treasure (deposit) brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure(deposit) brings forth what is evil.

{36} “And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment.

{37} “For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”

How are your words? Do they build your spouses self-esteem, or are they destructive? Are your words tough to process? Are you uplifting, or dangerously demeaning?

“Is your marriage full of life and vitality, or has it been burned by soul-destroying words?”

Copyright © 2010 Anthony N. Wade Ministries — All Rights Reserved.
No portion of this publication may be rewritten or reproduced without the written approval of the author

A number of men fail to realize that a woman’s makeup is primarily emotional. She desires loving attention. The foundation of all emotional awareness is conversation. This is one of the major components of a successful marriage. Every woman has the need for verbal stimulation. Discourse can many times lead to intercourse, “no communication, no copulation.” Innumerable married women are starved emotionally, solely because their husbands will not converse with them. A lack of effective communication can, and will impair sexual relations. It can lead to an emotional affair. If a woman is not fed the verbal food necessary to sustain a vibrant, fulfilling and loving relationship with her husband, she will intuitively look for it in places that are extremely inferior to what rightfully belongs to her.

Some women have poured a huge portion of their emotions upon their children, only to find that their children have nothing to give them in that department. Actually the child is looking for emotional stability from their mother — but she is empty, void of the strength she should have to pour into her children. This particularly happens in a home where the parents argue in front of the children — or get a divorce. In view of the fact that the void that dad, and many times mom are experiencing, they transfer their painful emotions on to the child. Countless situations have resulted in emotional abuse — emotional rape. If we only knew the statistics of how many children have been emotionally violated by one of their parents, it would stagger our minds. God holds men responsible for what happens within the confines of their homes — be it positive or negative, they are the ones responsible.

Let’s not imitate Adam in this situation when he found fault with Eve for eating them out of house and home. No, Adam was right there and partook as well. He was not deceived — Adam knew exactly what he was doing.

It is our responsibility men, to verbally strengthen our wife. “REMEMBER” don’t talk at her, but openly converse with her. There is a vast difference between talking at your wife, and communicating with her. It is one of the basic fundamentals of a working relationship.

When a man has fully consecrated himself to the success of his marriage he will realize that it encompasses every aspect of who he is as a submissive husband. It includes:

1. The inflections of his voice.
2. The correct choice of words.
3. The emotions expressed during the exchange.
4. The precise stroke of the hands at the appropriate time and place.

Someone is thinking, that’s work. You are 100 % correct. Some men have become so relaxed with their spouse that they’ve begun to second guess them, that’s dangerous. A woman’s emotions have many, many, MANY, places of elevation. What turned her on last month, may not turn her on this month. Have you ever looked at your wife, and noticed that she was crying? You immediately ask her what’s wrong. She responds…, “I DON’T KNOW,” The Word of God tells us what to do.

1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

{7} In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of New Life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.

This verse sums it up. If a man would do this verse — I mean really do this verse, his wife would eventually respond to the method of love he is demonstrating. Some men have been so harsh, hard and indifferent towards their wife, that he has killed her ability to respond to him in a favorable manner. Various men drive their wives hard, and wonder why she won’t answer back in a positive way. She is tense, terse and tightens up — and they don’t have a clue.

I am convinced that some of these men are from the land of DUH! This happens to many women who desire to have a positive relationship with their husbands, but he has put to death the life that was in her. It is a part of her nature to respond to her husband in a complimentary fashion. When you place the supernatural with the natural, you’ve got a combination that cannot be beaten. Our marriages could and should be naturally, supernatural. -AWM

Copyright (c) 2010 Anthony N. Wade Ministries — All Rights Reserved. No portion of this teaching may be rewritten or reproduced without the written approval of the author.
Email – hgflow@gmail.com

What does every man want? The woman God intends for him, and a meaningful relationship with God. What does every woman need? A godly man who seeks the face of God in the evening, and trust Him for every good thing; and his own personal relationship with God.
– Bishop Eddie Long

Years ago it was brought to my attention that communication is the foundation of life. Needless to say, there is no solid footing in life without specific sincere communication. However, it is more than verbal. It is non-verbal as well. The Gentlemen’s Code is none other than gesture — the silent partner to well-spoken human activity.

I took the liberty to lookup the word gesture in a dictionary and this is what I found.

A) A movement usually of the body or limbs that emphasizes an idea, sentiment, or attitude.

B) Something said or done by way of formality, or courtesy, as a symbol or token for direct effect on the attitudes of others. C) To draw popular support.

In the marriage covenant, words are not enough. Actions communicate how deeply you appreciate your spouse. Some men may not need this as much as women, but they do need it. Words alone cannot and will not satisfy. How can we say that we love our spouse without proving it by actions?

FOUR NEEDS OF EVERY MARRIAGE

1. Physical Needs: Ask what is important. Women need non-sexual touch. Men need the emotion (feeling) that they are conquerors.

2. Romantic Emotional Experience: It is true that women are more romantically
inclined than men, but every successful marriage has a degree of romance to it.

3. Security: Build the “Love Bank.” It is suggested to hug and kiss every three
hours. It is important to build the assurance that you will be there for your spouse.

4. Meaningful Communication: Listening and Hearing
a. Some statistics say that men have only 12,000 words in their vocabulary
throughout the course of a day, and women have 25,000.

b. Communication is not what you say — but what the other person thought he or she heard you say.

c. Men need facts. Women want details.

d. Most men are left brain oriented, and most women are right brain oriented.

Ephesians 5:28-29 (KJV)

{28} So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

{29} For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord, the Church.

ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE

1 Peter 3:7 gives us another clue to the “Gentleman’s Code,” that men are to establish in their everyday existence with their wives.

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)

{7} Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

The gesture of love in your marriage will strengthen the words of love you speak to your spouse. Sweet talk is good, but gesture makes sweet talk sweeter. Many men don’t realize that a vacuumed rug or a washed dish during the day can produce wonders in a marriage
— especially in the bedroom.

It is imperative that both husband and wife learn to show their love by gesture, regardless of how difficult it may be for them. Many are unable to love or to be loved normally because of the lack of affection and attention in their own childhood.

Communication by gesture is something that must continually be exercised. The more you do it, the stronger, and more comfortable you get. We must support our words with actions — gesture.

We not only need to keep our word to our spouse, but it is essential to support our words with gesture, in a touch, card, flowers, phone call, thank-you note, etc. It’s “The Gentlemen’s Code.”

Copyright © 2004 -2009 Anthony N. Wade Ministries – All Rights Reserved. www.anthonywadeministries.com No portion of this teaching may be rewritten, or reproduced, without the written approval of the author.

Portions of this teaching were taken from the writings of the late Dr. Ed Cole.